Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
