you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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