It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize