Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
