I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
