Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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