Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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