Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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