Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
