my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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