wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
