and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ok first of all what the fuck
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
