I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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