dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
