I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just invented taco cereal.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
