He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
