we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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