i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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