i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
