found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
