I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
