my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
