ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
