Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
