My nipple is on Facebook.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
