Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
