just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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