shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
