dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
