you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
