That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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