So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
