Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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