my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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