do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
