wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
do nipples grow back?
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