he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
