I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
