You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
