he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
