I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
