I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
