Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wear drunk well.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
