first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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