Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
