she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
