Swine flu. Run for my life!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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