Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
