The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
