"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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