How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
