By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
