The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
