I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
