happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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