Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
