Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
