Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
