I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
