He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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