I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
