I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize